BRITISH AIRWAYS

Travelogue -British Airways

 With a mellifluous hello from the British Airways attendant, our nine-week, epic, between jobs vacation is underway. The Brits reek of culture and class, so this I know is going to be a top notch ride across the pond. I strap in and click on the in-seat tele for my first big growth experience. Could be a Midsummer Night's Dream, maybe a little Harold Pinter, but instead I settle for a classic — Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Little known fact, Abraham Lincoln was the first person to wear a long black trench coat and perform jujitsu-like moves while manipulating the space time continuum, not Keanu Reeves. And unlike Mr. Reeves, Abe did it wielding an axe. 

With the help of British Airways, I've reached Stage One Travel Enlightenment (Cultural Enrichment) before I've even set foot on foreign soil. I'm congratulating myself on my travel prowess when I hear the man seated behind me sniffle. As soon as I hear the sneeze, I start my time-space-manipulation maneuvers. Shoulders round into a hunch. Head tucks. But before I can completely position my body into the least available surface area on which incoming can land (fetal position), I feel a cold mist wash across my neck and a single large droplet on my left wrist. Had I a long black trench coat this would not be happening. I abscond to the loo to disinfect.

I spend the remainder of the flight low in my, seat collar up and sleeves pulled. We land 

and I bolt as fast as I one can bolt from row 42 of a crowded plane. "Cheerio," says the handsome attendant as I make a break for Heathrow. (Cheerio — British for fair the well newly-infected traveler.)